The Etiquette of Eating: a Baby’s point of view

Britanny loves to eat. She has since birth, but it seems that lately she just couldn’t get enough of it. As discussed in a previous post (see Food, Glorious Food) we had decided to start little B on food at 4 months. Well for any doubters out there, let me tell you something: after 2 days she is eating like a contestant in a Pie Eating Contest (although the food is much less flavourful). Not only is she devouring her food, but she is truly ignorant about any food etiquette. I have tried to explain to her that you do not follow a spoonful of food by shoving your fist in your mouth, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. It seems that Britanny believes that a fist to the mouth is the perfect dessert to a bite of watery rice cereal.

There is something amazing about a baby learning to eat. You know that Britanny’s happy about her food because after every bite she starts yammering on and on, until you shove another spoonful into her mouth. Though that doesn’t always stop the talking. Britanny’s idea of food etiquette is to express your delight as soon as the food touches your tongue, ignoring the fact that it the food is probably pouring out of your mouth as you chatter on. This is why your mother tells you to eat with your mouth closed! No one wants to see a waterfall of food coming out of your mouth.

The third and final rule of baby etiquette is that it is always acceptable to shriek while eating, no matter who is around. This rule is joined at the hip with rule #2 (you can talk while eating), but they are slightly different. You can always talk while eating, but shrieking is reserved to when you have swallowed a big spoonful and are getting ready to wave  your hands excitedly around.

So to recap: the 3 rules of baby food etiquette are as follows. (1) Follow every bite of food with your fist in your mouth. A few licks and chews should suffice as palate cleansers before you move onto your next bite. (2) It is always OK to talk while eating, since waterfalls are beautiful and you should be able to create one with your food pouring out of your mouth. (3) Whenever you are excited about the food you are eating, just shriek and wave your hands around. That way you scare your dogs and let the whole world know your eating without moving from your highchair!