The Price of Being Cute- a Baby’s Take on Life (as Told by Britanny)

… as imagined by Elayna…

Apparently I’m cute. Although I’m not really sure what cute means, it makes people shove their faces next to mine, talk to me in really high voices and touch my hands and cheeks. I can’t talk, so what do I do? I give them my best “dead possum” look, hoping to scare them away. I glaze over my eyes and open my mouth ever so slightly, wishing they would take the hint and leave me alone. If it works for possums why won’t it work for me! I’m small like them and I smell like one too.

For example: I went out with my parents for dinner on Thursday and every waitress in the place stopped by our table to admire me. Is there something I’m missing? Why can’t I be cute without attracting attention? It’s not like I can fend them off or anything. I just want to stare at light fixtures in peace, but no one seems to be able to leave me alone for more than 5 minutes at a time! Go play with your own baby, I’m a little busy playing dead possum here.

There is one good thing about being cute. Whenever I want to be picked up I just give you my best smile. Its the “come on, you know you wanna hold me” smile. Mommy and Daddy get it every time I’m stuck in my car seat. It seems to work… they never leave me in the car alone. Here, I’ll teach you how. You just give your best grin and open up your eyes as wide as humanely possible. It really is that easy! Of course you also have to be as cute as a button to pull it off.

Some people think being a baby is easy. But they don’t know the half of it! It gets pretty gruelling, eating, playing, smiling, farting, and pooping all while looking adorable. Which you need to do in order to maintain your cuteness status. Its your only defense from all the bad things in the world! All babies know this- we are cute so that our parents will protect us from all the dangers in the world. That way they have to quickly forgive us for ruining our clothes (or theirs)- no one can resist a smile from a baby!

You will have to forgive me, I have to run. My bed is calling, it’s nap time for me. I would like to conclude by reminding everyone that being a cute baby is a lot of work, and should never be taken for granted. Also, you try drooling and looking cute all the while. Its pretty tough. Just saying.