Sleep Training: the Horror Show You Never Knew Existed

I guarantee you that each and every person who is reading this blog sleeps. You may sleep during the day, you may sleep at night or you may just take intermittent naps throughout the day. But you sleep. I don’t even care if you suffer from insomnia- the bottom line is that every person sleeps at some point within their life. I never realized this, but not all babies are not born with the ability to sleep. I mean they “sleep” because they cannot function- their bodies just shut down. But being able to fall asleep on their own? Some just lack this skill. Britanny is one of these babies.
Britanny hates sleeping. Its not just a general dislike that goes away once she is asleep. Its a full-out complete hatred. If sleep was a person she would have murdered it so she didn’t ever have to face it again. That’s not all. Britanny only sleeps until she is rested enough to not be sleeping. She sleeps so she can function, not so that she will be fully rested.
One of the first question people always ask about Britanny is how she is sleeping. My instinct? To slap them across the face and yell “can’t you see the dark rings around my eyes?!?” I am pretty sure that they are an indication of Britanny’s extreme lack of sleep. But no, I politely tell them that her sleeping patterns leave much to be desired. That’s it, that’s all. And if you want to know more, why don’t you just borrow her for a night? Britanny gets up between 4 and 7 times a night (her night being between 730 pm and 630 am), so forgive me if I’m less than thrilled when asked how she is sleeping.
After hearing all this, do not despair. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. At some point in Britanny’s life we need to allow her to cry herself back to sleep when she wakes up- the problem is twofold. The first is that it is to early to sleep train because she still wakes up to eat. The second is that the screams of a baby tear my heart into a million pieces. Even letting her cry for 2 minutes feels like a century. So the solution? I will be leaving the apartment when we sleep train. When it comes to the fight or flight instinct, I will definitely be siding with the flight. I never said I was strong willed when it comes to listening my baby cry. Aaron can fight for me, and I will fly away like the cowardly bird I am proud to be.