The Toy That Never Should Be

I hate dolls. Always have, and probably always will. I just can not deal with them. I hate the way their beady little eyes follow you anywhere you go… its like you can hear them calling out to you “I am watching you- in fact, I never let you out of my sight. Muah ha ha ha ha….”. They are creepy little people who never sleep. They just sit there and stare at you, planning the perfect time to murder you and take over your life.
Ok, so that is probably not what goes on in a doll’s head (considering they aren’t alive this is quite possibly just a figment of my imagination). But still, I just can’t shake my fear of them! In fact, I am seriously bothered by the mere thought of dolls. As I am writing this blog my hands are shaking.  The mere thought of having a doll present in my home scares the living daylight out of me.
I can deal with many things, but dolls just push me beyond my limit. Stuffed dogs, bears, penguins and giraffes are all allowable toys in my books. They are cute, cuddly and soft. But most importantly, their eyes are not creepily following you around the room wherever you go. If I had my way dolls would never have been invented. Why do we need to create little tiny versions of ourselves to play with and eventually exile to a shelf?  I mean, no doll will be played with for years. A piece of LEGO is sure to get more playtime in the long run than the doll. It’s a though the doll knows that all it needs to do is withstand a few years of wear and tear by its little owner before it can take its “rightful” place on the mantel where it can watch diligently and creepily over the going-ons in the house.
All this to say- don’t you ever, ever dare to get my daughter a doll. It will be promptly destroyed and will never see the light of day again. You can buy her a stuffed animal any day. In fact, I welcome it. But should you be the unlucky person to help a doll cross the threshold into my home, you and your doll will suffer the consequences! You have been warned. Keep the creepy dolls far away from me.